The Beadbonny Ash

Andrea: Did Victoria tell you she went to the hospital?
Dr. Z: She said she was thinking about going. But she also said she’d send me her work.
Andrea: Well, she could be at death’s door and she’d still be trying to do that.
Dr. Z: She’s a great example for all of you.
Ashley: If you’re dying, send your homework!
Kristina: A Victorian work ethic.
Ashley: Oh, Victorian…. Ohhhhhh.

*discussing spicy foods*
John: My dad’s Texan and my mom’s Indian. So I could eat lava and I’d be fine.

Priya: Sometimes when I call home I tell my mother that I ate beef. My mother’s like, “Oh. You ate beef, hmm? That’s nice. Why don’t you eat some dog next?” I’m like, “Mom, they don’t eat dog here—” and my mother’s going, “WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT SOMETHING DEAD ALONG THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, HMM?”

[When you’re doing the “play” in cribbage, you take turns laying down cards and adding them up. Oftentimes, if one of us lays a ten on top of whatever the other person played, we’ll just add “-teen” to whatever they said. “Four.” “-teen.” This evening I decided to be funny and say mine in Spanish. It didn’t work out well.]
Ashley: Siete.
Mom: -teen.

[Dec. 7: Dad sent me a video of a Les Mis flashmob where people sang “One Day More”. I then emailed him asking him something about renewing my antivirus software.]
Dad: There are some free ones that can be installed. When does your coverage expire?
Me: Tomorrow is the judgement day! Tomorrow is the start of what our God in heaven has in store! One more dawn! One more day! One day moooooooore!!!!
Dad: No, the Mayan Apocalypse is Dec. 21.

[overheard at contra dance]
Person 1: We’re free-range boys!
Person 2: Hormone-free!
Person 1: I wouldn’t say THAT…

[Don’t remember who said this]
Not being able to text would be terrible! My students wouldn’t know what to try to get away with!

[Overheard convo amongst my students as the came into the classroom]
Person 1: What’s up?
Person1: Oh, you know, the uzh—gettin’ an education an' shit.

[Comparing the length of scientific articles vs English lit ones. Eng lit are significantly longer.]
Jeremy: Oh, the humanities!

[Sweet little old Martha took so long getting the cheesecake out of the basement the last time we ate at her house, we decided she had a secret scientific lab down there.]
Jeremy, doing an Igor voice: Yes, Miss Martha. Igor fetch brain.
We told Veda, this sweet, little, even-older lady in our church about this joke. She responded, “She’s cooking meth.”

[Someone told the story about the lady who thought she'd been shot in the back of the head because her biscuit dough exploded and hit her when she was in the car]
Jim: She went off half-baked!

Mom: Does that card have a name?
Me: …uh… The card that got turned up?
Mom: Okay, I just figured, this is cribbage, it probably has some crazy name. Like “shin splints” or something.

Mom: What was the bang?
Me: I found a stink-bug on the wall. I didn't know if it'd stink if I smashed it, so I trapped it under a dixie cup and put a jar of vaseline on top to weigh it down. Then the suction cup holding my poof fell down in the shower and made a loud noise and I thought for a second the bug had gotten out and that it was REALLY STRONG! I jumped about three inches!

Told Chris about a post that's been showing up on Tumblr about how history is hilarious because there were once three people who all declared themselves Pope and then excommunicated each other. And Lichtenstein once sent out an army of forty men to Italy and they came back with forty-one.
Ash: Apparently some Italian thought Lichtenstein sounded pretty great.
Chris: Lichtenstein has fewer popes.
Chris: We should get a physicist and a historian and ask them what happens if a pope and an antipope collide.
Ash: Maybe they’ll figure that out with the cern collider. …Now I’m visualizing tiny molecules in long white robes with crazy hats! And they press something on their crosiers and they turn into lightsabers!
Ash: I also love the papel crown. Like, one crown is not enough. I need three!
Chris: They repel antipopes.
Ash: Like satellite dishes? “Your Holiness, your hat is flashing red…”
Chris: “Just get that guy away from me.”
Ash: “It’s alright. I’m just a little too close to France.”

[We told Zach about Grandma's adventures in copying some old studio photos. We got them copied at Walmart, but Walmart confiscated them because they had a photographer's mark on them, so they were copyrighted.]
Chris: They arrested her. Took her down to the station. They kept her overnight.
Ash: We had to bail her out. Two thousand dollars, can you believe it?
Chris: She had to shank two druggies.
Zach: My grandma has a teardrop tattoo. …Sounds like a Lifetime movie.

Heather, playing rough with the cat: It wouldn’t be a trip to Ashley’s if I didn’t get bitten by a cat.

[Played Bible Trivia with Heather when she was visiting.]
Heather, after a discussion about Bible characters who had slain lions and/or bears: Didn’t Solomon or somebody sleep in a bear carcass?
Ash: …THAT’S STAR WARS.

[Still playing Bible Trivia]
Ash: Who in the Old Testament murdered his seventy half-brothers?
Heather: …Good gravy.

[Sarah tells us how they stopped selling Vanilla Coke on PEI after it had gotten really popular and how you can sell a can of Coke for several dollars.]
Heather: You should become a Coke dealer!

Heather, on Peter Jackson's take on Radagast the Brown: I saw him as more St. Francis and less crazy pigeon lady.

Lovely Christmas Eve. Drove to Tommy's at 3, and it started snowing. We made Christmas cookies, watched White Christmas, listened to Christmas carols, tracked Santa's route online, and had tacos for dinner (okay, so that bit wasn't Christmassy). Came home after dark--we got about two/two and a half inches of snow. Took a walk because it was so bright out with the snow on the ground. Then we watched the '51 version of Scrooge with Alastair Sims (a family tradition)--except this time we watched the colorized version! I noticed some things I'd never noticed before--including a camerman's head in the mirror over Scrooge's shoulder at one point! lol Wonder why they colorized THAT? Now all the gifts are under the tree. Merry Christmas!

is it hard for you to think up new ideas? list three of your biggest influences.
Not at all. There are ideas EVERYWHERE. My biggest influences are the tv shows and movies i watch and the books I read. :)

what do you do when you’re inspired? do you scream eureka, write the idea down in a notebook, what?
I jot it down on whatever is at hand. I keep a small notebook in the headboard of my bed for when brilliant ideas come to me as I'm trying to go to sleep (this happens frequently). If I've got paper I'll write on that, but more often I type it on a word document and save it someplace.

what do you do when you’re stuck in a block? list three sources of inspiration when new ideas are scarce.
Usually the best thing to do when I'm stuck on a story is to just take it out and start writing. Usually something will come to me, and if it doesn't, I'll get through the tricky part of the plot, and then I'll come up with something better to replace that bit later on.

how do you flesh out an idea? does it take a long time, do you mull over it for hours, or does it come easily? describe the process!
It depends. sometimes I work out plot and characterization as I write. other times I figure out these intricate details of plot or characterization apart from the writing, a process which often begins long before i start writing and even long after I've finished a draft. however, i find that these extensive notes I take (especially on characterization) doesn't tend to actually affect my writing that much, so in a way, they're kind of useless.

depending on your form of art, what are some of your favorite ways to characterize, add detail, design, establish a setting, or otherwise elaborate on the piece? are you fond of world-building, or does that pose a problem for you? (customize this question if you’re an artist or otherwise)
Characterization for writers comes through action. You see how a character reacts in a certain situation, and then you know something about them. I tend to do a lot of physical description of people and places as well. the world-building, on the other hand: if part of the point of the story is the world-building (as in my island stories), that gets lots of discussion. If it's just background (like in Honor Amongst Thieves), I leave most of it unsaid.

picture of your workspace!
at school:

At home:


describe your work habits. do you eat? do you need music? are you messy or organized? do you keep a notebook? how long can you work at a time? etc.
i work best in the morning, at home. i get started on the writing first thing (or first thing after breakfast) and if i'm on a roll i do NOTHING ELSE the entire time i'm writing, unless it's a little brief incidental online research. i must have silence to work. i work straight on the computer most of the time. if i'm in the zone, i can keep writing for a few hours straight. but it's rare.

what’s the hardest part of a piece for you? (plot, background, etc)
Plot, and sometimes characterization. i mostly get ideas of premises, sometimes characters, first, and then i have to figure out a plot to show this premise/these characters' interactions.

the easiest?
premises. i have no problem coming up with story ideas. it's writing them that's hard. lol

what is your least favorite part of the creative process?
revision. icky icky yuck.

your favorite?
the actual act of writing itself, especially when i'm in the zone (see above), and particularly if i can keep up the writing regularly (which rarely happens).

do you believe in true originality?
no. originality is a myth and an ideal that we've been fed, especially since the modernist movement. everything is ultimately derivative. what you've got to do is mix in enough of a different take on old tropes--that is, mix a new combination of old tropes--in such a way that it doesn't feel TOO derivative to you, then find an audience that agrees with your ideal level of derivation. :P

what does it take for you to honestly be proud of something?
i need to finish it.

what is the most rewarding part of being a writer, artist, etc?
when somebody reads your work and writes their responses as they read--like comments on LJ or reviews on ff.net. When they're excited and asking questions and falling for your feints--that's a blast.

what drives you the most insANE?
literary elitism and style snobbery.

Just received an interesting email from the University:

On Friday, December 14th, responding to a report of threats, the Ohio University Police Department (OUPD) arrested one of our employees, who, according to eyewitness reports, allegedly made threatening remarks to coworkers about bringing a shotgun to work. After speaking with the employee and eyewitnesses, officers obtained a search warrant for the employee's residence. Working with Athens Police Department (APD), officers executed a search of his property, seizing firearms, along with ammunition for each weapon.

O_o

I had my first dance class since winter term last night, and the only thing I couldn't do was the grand pliés. Even the jumps didn't bug me a bit. Yay!

Also, I have finished grading one class-worth of essays: 20 down, 21 to go!

AND THE HOBBIT IS IN THEATERS. OMG I NEED TO SEE IT SO BADLY.

First line posted on LJ for each month!

January: Last night was a good New Year's Eve.

February: I'm reading a book on Tolkien's sources for a book review project for my bibliography and methods class. [I love this entry...]

March: [This one is privacy locked because it's a dream, and I lock all my dreams. But this one's fun, so i'll give you the whole thing.] dreamed last night that these 2 large dogs and one wolf kept menacing the cats outside the house, and when i tried to bring them in one of the dogs got in and i had to shut it out again. then i became convinced that the wolf was a shapeshifter and had turned into a human and was causing the water to stop working in the museum. my police partner was will smith, and i ran in all out of breath to tell him to beware this girl that i thought was the wolf, and he was really nice about it, but obviously didn't believe me. so i decided i had to solve it myself, and i spotted the girl running through the museum (which was also full of high school kids like myself) and saw that she was leaving a watery trail behind her, so I started following the trail. i spotted sarah and heather halfway up the stairs and shouted at them to come with me. we managed to corner the girl in a dead-end hallway, and she laughed derisively at us and jumped over a balcony rail and fell way down through the museum. so everybody thought she had committed suicide, but then she reappeared again very rapidly several times, and THEN disappeared--i don't remember how we knew she was dead.

April: [Another dream!] I dreamed that chris and brady has founded their own country, somewhere off on the edge of west virginia.

May: [Conversation with the Pastor's son, who's 12ish? i think]
Cole [to Elizabeth]: I ran around the church ten times like you told me to, and when I came back in I couldn’t find you!
Ashley: Wait: which way did you run around the church? Clockwise or counter-clockwise?
Cole: Huh?
Elizabeth: Did you go left around the church or right?
Cole: I went that way. *points left*
Ashley: Oh no, counter-clockwise! You know, in old stories they always say that you shouldn’t run counter-clockwise around a church! YOU’LL GET TAKEN BY THE FAIRIES! Never run around a church widdershins!
[I had him almost half-believing me. The following convo was repeated two or three times:]
Cole: I won’t get taken by the fairies!
Ashley: That’s what everybody says… until the fairies get them.

June: I know, all of you are dying to read my term papers.

July: When I was looking for calls for papers, I was excited to see one devoted to Georgette Heyer as a romance writer! I was also rather amused that this cfp for an issue dedicated to the Mayan apocalypse on Dec 2012 won't be coming out until May of 2013. WE'LL ALL BE GONE BY THEN!!!

August: Vivian [best friend’s gma], gesturing to me: She’s the only one of my granddaughters who’s really docile.

September: Fielding's reflexive narration permits the discursive argument of the instrumentality of a belief in what cannot be shown to be credible to infiltrate narrative form itself.

October: [another dream] dreamed last night that there was this beautiful blonde, and nobody could figure out how she was getting the yogurt to eat because she had had a daughter out of wedlock and the daughter was still alive, so the mom clearly wasn't stealing the baby's yogurt. [now you know why I privacy lock them.]

November: It has been a RIDICULOUS day.

December: Turned in first term paper!

Turned in first term paper! Now I just have eight conferences with students tomorrow and my eighteenth century term paper to do, and I can leave Wednesday morning!!!

Also: Contradance on Saturday!

One of my students was writing about the misconception that polar bears are cute and fuzzy. His essay included this priceless sentence:

"Many are misinformed of the raw power and brutality that comes with the territory of being a polar bear."

*dying*

This student of mine... First her computer crashed. Okay, she couldn't help that. Then for the first draft of assignment 2 she wrote it on the library computer and SAVED IT TO THE LIBRARY COMPUTER, despite the fact that they all have signs on them warning students that stuff gets deleted off the computers. So she gave me a hardcopy of her rough draft, after ASSURING me she had her own copy to revise for her final draft. Then she discovers that the file is no longer on the library computer (surprise surprise), so she needs the hardcopy back from me (what did she take notes on for her peer review? She was supposed to have another copy!). She forgets to get the hardcopy back from me and emails me THE DAY BEFORE THE FINAL DRAFT IS DUE telling me she doesn't have her rough draft to revise, and "Please advise." So I spend a bunch of time on my day off taking digital photos of the pages of her draft, downloading them via my lappie (b/c they won't download on my PC), shrinking them so they'll fit as an attachment but still be readable, emailing them to her, and kindly offering her a 24 hour extension, despite the fact that all of this is her own darned fault in the first place for not taking care of her responsibilities earlier. Then she emails me the final draft thanking me, and the draft is NOT in .doc or .docx format as I told all my students it needs to be for me to open it: it's in .pages. I email her back telling her to send it again in .doc, and she's like, oh, I didn't write it in microsoft word, I wrote it in something else, and it won't save in .doc or .docx format "please advise". I tell you what, I know that's standardized wording, but at this point, it's starting to sound like, "Solve my problems for me, professor! Take a bunch of time and trouble when I could be fixing my problems for myself if I only thought about it a little!" GGGGRRRRRAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

What perfume should you wear to pick up men? Overall, men responded best to the combination of lavender and pumpkin pie, followed by the combination smell of doughnut and black licorice. Whoda thunkit.

I always wondered why mosquitoes seemed to prefer me...

How to control your dreams

A pen that lets you draw with any color! I love the idea, but I have no idea how I'd use the thing.

I've always said I didn't care for diamonds in engagement rings, and now I've got even more reason. Ten facts about diamonds includes this little gem (pun intended):
The 1930s was a bad decade for the diamond industry: the price of diamond
had declined worldwide. Europe was in the verge of another war and the
idea of a diamond engagement ring didn't take hold. Indeed, engagement
rings were considered a luxury and when given, they rarely contained diamonds.

In 1938, De Beers engaged N.W. Ayer & Son, the first advertising
agency in the United States, to change the image of diamonds in America.
The ad agency suggested a clever ad campaign to link diamonds to romance
in the public's mind. To do this, they placed diamonds in the fingers
of Hollywood stars and suggested stories to newspapers on how diamond
rings symbolized romance. Even high school students were targeted:

N. W. Ayer outlined a subtle program that included arranging for
lecturers to visit high schools across the country. "All of these
lectures revolve around the diamond engagement ring, and are reaching
thousands of girls in their assemblies, classes and informal meetings
in our leading educational institutions," the agency explained
in a memorandum to De Beers.

The agency had organized, in 1946, a weekly service called "Hollywood
Personalities," which provided 125 leading newspapers with descriptions
of the diamonds worn by movie stars. [...] The idea was to create prestigious
"role models" for the poorer middle-class wage-earners. The
advertising agency explained, in its 1948 strategy paper, "We spread
the word of diamonds worn by stars of screen and stage, by wives and
daughters of political leaders, by any woman who can make the grocer's
wife and the mechanic's sweetheart say 'I wish I had what she has.'"
(Source)

In 1948, an N.W. Ayer copywriter named Frances Gerety, had a flash of
inspiration and came up with the slogan "A Diamond is Forever."
It's a fitting slogan, because it reminds people that it is a memorial
to love, and as such, must stay forever in the family, never to be sold
(see below). Ironically, Gerety never married and died a spinster. (Source)

But equating diamonds with romance wasn't enough. Toward the end of the
1950s, N.W. Ayer found that the Americans were ready for the next logical
step, making a diamond ring a necessary element in betrothal:

"Since 1939 an entirely new generation of young people has
grown to marriageable age," it said. "To this new generation
a diamond ring is considered a necessity to engagements by virtually
everyone." The message had been so successfully impressed on the
minds of this generation that those who could not afford to buy a diamond
at the time of their marriage would "defer the purchase" rather
than forgo it. (Source)

Then the clever ad agency went one step further. N.W. Ayers noted that
when women were involved in the selection of the engagement ring, they
tended to pick cheaper rings. So De Beers encouraged the "surprise"
engagement, with men picking the diamond on their own (with the clear
message that the more expensive the stone, the better he'll look in the
eyes of a woman).

They even gave clueless men a guideline: American men should spend two
months wages, whereas Japanese men should spend three. Why? Because they
can:

But the guidelines differed by nation. A "two months' salary"
equivalent was touted in the United States, whereas men in Great Britain
got off the hook with only one month. Japan's expectation was set the
highest, at three months. I asked a De Beers representative why the
Japanese were told to spend so much compared to the Americans or the
English.

"We were, quite frankly, trying to bid them up," he answered.
(Source: The
Heartless Stone: A Journey Through the World of Diamonds, Deceit, and
Desire by Tom Zoellner)

In 1939, when De Beers engaged N.W. Ayer to change the way the American
public view diamonds, its annual sales of the gem was $23 million. By
1979, the ad agency had helped De Beers expand its sales to more than
$2.1 billion (Source).